everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
