I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
