i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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