i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
