Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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