glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
