I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
