I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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