I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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