can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Please don't give away my fajitas
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
