I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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