oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
