Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
