News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
