i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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