The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
