i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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