i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
