This house was built for laser tag.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
