He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
