it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
