508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
babies were throwing up all over the place
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
