mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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