He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
