She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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