now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize