No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
