So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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