I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I did not marry a roomba.
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