You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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