that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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