i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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