Banned from zoo.
Again?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
