We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
