if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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