I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
