ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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