the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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