he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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