it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want to be your penis for a week.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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