Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
