I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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