there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
