No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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