So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
