I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
