dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
