Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.