I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
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You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.