NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
