I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen