I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.