My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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