ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
