so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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