if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I queefed so loud it echoed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
