Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
