She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
