My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They took my balls.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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