I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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