Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Found the puke drawer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
