so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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