i need an iv and a liver transplant
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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