if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
