In America we eat man semen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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