Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
