It's Friday. Sex?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
