I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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