I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
