Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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