If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
